>> Feminist family therapy grew out of the second wave of feminism that begin in the 1960s and 70s. So many people contributed to this model that it is impossible to identify one person as its founder. The main principles of the model focus on the personal as political valuing voice and perspectives of women as well as men. Challenging sex role stereotyping. Informing egalitarian in relationships in both families and the therapeutic process. Feminism came late to a consideration of multiculturalism. And it's appreciation of cultural diversity. The early proponents of feminism were often white middle class women who wanted to escape the bondage of societal patriarchy. Women of color and lesbians challenge the one feminism fits all model, and initiated a broadening of respect for all marginalized people and cultures. In this video Dr. Patrician Robertson a feminist therapist and professor of counseling at East Tennessee State University works with an African-American family consisting of a single parent, and her two adult children. The demonstration highlights therapeutic interventions in which the voices of women are valued, sex roles are challenged both within the relationships and at work [inaudible] and reframed in the personal experience of the women are validated.

>> Good morning. I'm interested in getting to know all of you. Find, you know, why you're here and what your hopes are. And one of you called for an appointment. Who did that?

>> I did. I wanted to get some help for [inaudible].

>> Okay. Can you tell me more about that Stacy [assumed spelling].

>> Well she was in -- she had just ended a relationship with this man who was like her partner for over four years. We all thought they would get married, but she ended it and she was really sad for a long time -- like over a month. She was sad. And it took us a while to get here. But I don't know if she's sad anymore, but she was sad.

>> Okay. So what do you hope for her?

>> I just want her to be happy.

>> Okay. How about for yourself?

>> I want me to be happy too [laughter].

>> That's good. Okay. What do you think about your mom and that relationship? What's your perception about that?

>> Well, she was happy with him for a long time, but I mean, he stuck around more than most men do. I just think she has a problem picking men.

>> Okay. How about for the two of you? Has him being out of your life been significant?

>> I liked him okay. But I just want my mom to be happy.

>> Yeah. Okay. How about you, Jessica [assumed spelling]?

>> I didn't really like him. He always needed her time and attention, and I kind of lost her when he was around.

>> All right. [inaudible]. I'm hearing a little bit from your daughters, and wondering how it's affecting you to hear Stacy has a little bit of a perception that sounds like that you have a flawed picking mechanism when it comes to men. And I'm hearing Jessica say that somehow they lose you when men are in your life -- that they don't have you around as much. How's it for you to hear that?

>> First of all, she's always saying that [laughter]. And I guess I wouldn't call it a flawed picking mechanism, probably I have this Mother Teresa kind of syndrome. I'm always bringing in wounded dogs. You know, I kind of see something in them or they are attracted to me for various reasons. And the relationship starts out good where we're both giving equally and there's mutual respect, and then after awhile I'm doing all the giving all the nurturing. And I just get tired of it, and let it go.

>> So tell me more about the more recent man you were involved with? What was his name?

>> Ralph.

>> Ralph. Okay. Tell me some about when you met him and how you decided to partner with him.

>> When I met him I was attracted to him, first of all because he was kind of quiet. I like to talk so that was good. He did a lot of listening. He was very supportive of what I said, and most important, he wasn't insecure about me being an educated and strong, assertive black woman. And so that was really interesting, and really attracted me to him. And he was very supportive of my career and where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. And I liked that in him.

>> I'll bet you did. Yeah. So actually what I'm hearing is that you fell in love with a man who was respectful and caring and showed support for you, and you even saw some nurturing in him. And you had hope. You really had some hope that it would be a good relationship.

>> Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. But you know after awhile it got to the point where I was doing all the caring, all the nurturing. I think he kind of began to take me for granted like I was always supposed to do this. And I was always the one supporting, and he was needy. And I had needs too, but you know, I was always the one fulfilling his needs.

>> Yeah. Well another thing that I hear in there is that it's not -- that at least my perception -- it's not that you saw a man that you knew was needy and that you knew would not care for you or wouldn't be supportive, but you actually saw a man who was loving and gentle and kind and supportive. And you fell in love with him. And then when those things start shifting, you actually had the courage to get out. And, you know, Stacy said that there's been multiple men in your life that have been in your life and then out of your life. And my guess is that that courage has been something that you've shown over and over -- that when things are not the way they seem at the beginning that you walk away from them.

>> Yeah, I do. I really would like, not an equal partnership, but at least not to be the one whose's always giving more. I need to be able to get something back sometimes.

>> Yeah. Okay. How is it for you to think about the idea of being courageous? That instead of having a flawed picking mechanism, that you're a woman who picks men who look like they're actually going to be good partners for you. And then when they're not, wow, you have lots of courage, and you get out.

>> Oh, I got lots of courage. I fell like wonder woman when I get courage back and my strength back. It's me again.

>> Yeah. That's good. I like that. So where in your body do you feel that?

>> Oh, I feel it all over. It's like I said, I'm energized. It's exciting. It's me.

>> Yeah.

>> You know, like I've thrown off this shell. You know, turtles go out of their shell like -- I'm just me again. If feels good.

>> How is it for you all to hear your mom say that and to think about it in that way?

>> I can remember a time when you were strong when you were applying for vice president at the position at the bank.

>> Yeah, I remember that too. I was the internal candidate for this vice president position, and I think I was the best candidate. I had all the credentials. And I felt really good going in to it, applying for it. But then I began to hear little things my colleagues were saying like, well, oh, well, I was playing the race card, and that I was using that as an advantage. And it began to affect me because I think, gosh, I've been working with these people all this time, and they know my credentials. They know what I can do. And they know my capabilities. But here suddenly I'm playing the race card. My assertiveness is coming out as something I don't really deserve or earn, and it kind of affected me for a while. And then I begin to think, you know, I need to just tell them where to go. But I said, no, I need to get through the interview. So I went into the interview -- did my best. But they kind of changed how I saw my colleagues from them on.

>> Okay. So hearing the accusation about the race card affected you. I'm sure it was hurtful.

>> It was hurtful because I'd worked with these people. They know my abilities. They knew what I could do?

>> And even though you wanted to challenge them on that, in some ways you stayed silent because you also worked with them every day.

>> Right.

>> You wanted to keep on getting along with them, and it didn't stop you from moving ahead. Again, you're strength -- it didn't stop you from saying I'm not going to buy into this in a way that keeps me from pursuing the goals that I want to pursue.

>> Right. I think I'm strongest when someone tells me I can't do something, especially when I know that it's something that I can do and something I want to do.

>> Yeah.

>> So I just kind of kept quiet to kind of maintain a good work environment, and just went on doing my own thing.

>> Yeah. That makes sense to me. And I know that you and Stacy and Jessica know this as well or better than I do. But, you know, when you're a member of the nondominant culture -- then actually from birth -- often times the message is given that you're less than -- that you're not as good as. And I think that part of what happens with that message is that we pathologize members that are not people who are not members of the dominant culture. And we put the pathology on them like, you know, Lee with you. Your pathology is you're choosing men who are not good men, and so you have a faulty choosing mechanism. And -- or at the bank for example, you're playing the race card. And so then we start focusing what's wrong with you. You're playing the race card. And we miss the conversations that maybe you have -- more important the conversations about -- for example at the bank why are there not more women in positions of power. Why are there not more women of color in positions of power? Because we can postpone that conversation, and focus on the conversation about you're playing the race card. So are there other experiences that you all have had that have been similar to that?

>> Yeah. I just started my career, and I never feel like it's just me. I feel like I have to be a representative of all black women. It was like that in college. There were very few black classmates and virtually no black professors. Any time I was absent from class, even a large class, everyone knew the black girl was missing. If I did poorly on a test, then that meant that was just evidence that I didn't belong. If I did good on a test, oh, I must have got, you know, that was from the extra help I was receiving. So, yeah.

>> That's a burden that you carry also. And I'm sure that in that way you really understand and empathize with what's happening with your mom. Does it make sense to you, Stacy, in that way of understanding also not only her work environment but in her personal life that what's happening in relationship to men? That instead of it being a weakness -- that she's somehow flawed in her picking -- that actually the strength of her is that she gets out when she finds out that the men are not good for her -- good in her life. And we don't move the conversation to maybe a conversation about what these men, you know, why can they not sustain the nurturance and the support and the advocacy and the respect. You know, what happens to them that they can start out that way but it can't be long-term.

>> Yeah. I didn't think about it like that before, but I do now. My mom's a really a strong woman.

>> Yeah. I can see the pride that both of you all -- and both of you all have in her.

>> But it does kind of concern me that they may think that I have a flawed picking mechanisms. I can understand I guess that more so than the thing about race because my father died at an early age. And somehow I kind of attribute that maybe I'm choosing these men because of some need I have -- those unfulfilled by not having my father growing up. And my girl's father left when they were young. And I really don't want to affect them, and I see that they have some concerns. And I want to know if there is something in my picking mechanism they may be picking up and carrying on in their lives, you know.

>> Where have you gotten that message, Lee, that, you know, maybe this came because you were desperate to have a man in your life because your dad left at an early age in.

>> I guess I've just always had a longing growing up, you know, to be like the other families -- the mom and a dad. And have a father who kind of watches out over you and protected you. And I felt that I kind of missed that, and I wonder if my girls might have missed it to?

>> What about the -- what role does that play in your life you think?

>> In general, I just feel men are hopeless.

>> I like men. I like boyfriends. I have a couple of them, but I don't want anything serious.

>> Okay. You looked a little surprised at that Lee.

>> You have a couple of them [laughter].

>> Three actually.

>> Three [laughter].

>> Have you been to dinner yet?

>> Okay. So men are important in your life, and you choose to keep them at a distance [inaudible].

>> Because I like to do my own thing. I like, you know, my own space. So I like to do what I want to do with my money and my time. And so, you know, I enjoy their company, but I keep them at a distance from [inaudible].

>> And, Jessica, I heard from you. And in your mind you think men are hopeless?

>> Yeah.

>> And do you think that Lee's worry about the fact that the way she has related to men might affect you. Does that seem real to you? Is that a problem for you?

>> I like what you said earlier about our mom being strong. I think she's been a great role model for my sister and I. I think part of the problem is that when she commits herself to a relationship she puts her whole self into it, and sometimes she gets hurt now and again. But that's part of loving someone that sometimes you'll get hurt. And I just want to tell you mom that you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to worry about me at all [background discussion].

>> I'm wondering if the two of you can also show that same, I guess, respect -- may be not [inaudible] honor that with your mom too. It really sounds to me like you don't have to worry about her either. And just honor that she lost a relationship that was important to her, and it's affected you all also. But really to allow her time of grieving, and let that be what it is. And let her choose the timeline, and let her choose the sadness and decide that for herself. And do you think you feel like you can do that for her also?

>> This has been very beneficial for me now because I see it in a different light now. So I believe I can do that the next time.

>> Yeah. Well I'm really interested in us having more conversations, and I think that there's a lot that I can learn from you. And I really would love to bear witness to the conversations. I know that, Jessica, you had articulated especially being interested in talking more about men, and maybe why there's an issue with commitment. And so hopefully we'll get to have more of these.

>> I think so too.

>> I'd like to thank the girls for dragging me in here [laughter].

>> It's great to meet you all.

>> Nice to meet you too.

>> Thanks.

>> Well, Pat, thank you very much for the demonstration of feminist family therapy. I really liked this video. It demonstrates feminist family therapy's commitment to working with families of color. It has a number of different intervention processes that feminist family therapist go through. I'm interested in knowing what you liked about it. What was your favorite parts?

>> First of all, what a delightful family with whom to work. I mean, it was really fun to have the opportunity to do that with Lee and Jessica and Stacy. I think the parts that I liked the most -- I think there was good demonstration of egalitarianism. Of believing that the client is the expert on her/his life. And I think also there was the ability or the opportunity to demonstrate the depathologizing of talking about Lee not having a good picking mechanism of really relabeling that and thinking about it in a different way. And also the part where we talked about playing the race card and how that's often times pathologized for people of color. I think reframing too. There was the opportunity to reframe that in things that were happening in the daughters lives, and also reframing things happening in their mom's life. And the way that they, I think, observed that. The way they experienced that. So those -- well, I guess there's one other thing too that I think there was a good demonstration of and that is collaboration.

>> Sure.

>> Of the process that [inaudible].

>> Of the women that were with you.

>> Absolutely.

>> And I also liked very much the process by which the roles of women and men within, especially the work environment were challenged.

>> Yes.

>> But also within personal relationships.

>> Yes. The traditional roles and the challenge of that absolutely which is central in feminist therapy.

>> That's great. Well, thank you very, very much for doing this. And it'll be a video I think that will be watched for a long time.

>> Yeah. Thanks